Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Kevin Wins Our Hearts, But Not Top Chef

Booooooo. And also: boooooooo.

Seriously.

When did this become Top Knife-Puller? Kevin, who apparently lacked the Voltaggios' knife-block-xray-vision, was saddled with Preeti "Pasta Salad" Mistry, and Ash "Still in love with Picasso" Fulk. We're pretty sure Kevin would have won if he hadn't spent the entire first day making up fake tasks for Preeti to keep her away from the real food.

Famous Beards Through the Ages

Kevin may not have won, but his success on the show surely catapults his beard into the top-five awesomest of all time:



The Great Emancipator, savior of the environment, bringer of joy to children's hearts, fearsome swashbuckler. And then there's these other four guys next to Kevin.

Quotebook
  • Mike: "They’ll look at it and be like, 'Well, this doesn’t really look like the food that Michael usually cooks,' but then when they get into it, then they’ll find me in there." Padma then found her rockfish covered in a bunch of teeny tiny tattoos and a too-deep V-neck t-shirt.
  • Mike: "No one wants to be told what to cook." Yeah, good thing that's not the basis for this entire show or anything. Good thing.
  • Mrs. Voltaggio: "Tom, I live in Vegas, I know where to find you." Colicchio's life threatened; the Voltaggios take first and second place. Coincidence?
Fun Kevin Fact No. 39


He turned down the Massachusetts Institute of Technology for a different MIT: Meat in Tummy.

Miscellany
  • How brutal was it when the judges ripped on the contestants' food in front of their moms? There's no joke here, we just thought that was mean.
  • In case it wasn't clear, the grand prize isn't $125,000 cash, but rather $125,000 worth of Glad products. I think we know what every member of the Voltaggio family is getting for Christmas this year.
  • Who's boobs were bigger in this episode, Padma's or Kevin's?
We'll be back next week to recap the Top Chef reunion, in the meantime, follow us on Twitter and send angry letters to Bravo at:

Bravo Viewer Relations
3000 W. Alameda Ave., Suite 250
Burbank, CA 91523

[Photos of Kevin and Mike: Bravo]
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9 comments:

  1. Noooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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  2. Well, Kevin didn't win. Damn.
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  3. If your entire menu is ruined due to a medicore prepcook, then this isn't the show for you. Plus, Kevin seemed impressed with Ash's work in the kitchen and seemed to get caught up.

    But, even though Mike is a bit of an asshole, he was my favorite to win from the beginning. But his personality was nothing compared to some of the nightmares of Top Chef past (some of which won).

    I secretly believe they didn't put a Robin knife in the block.
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  4. What happened to the final three getting to choose their sous chefs? I am too upset and depressed to write any more. sniff, sniff
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  6. Yeah, in the past, the final three could choose who was helping them out. Personally, I think Kevin would have preferred to have his mom helping him over Preeti.

    I'll watch the reunion show, only so I can see Kevin win fan favorite, but I think Top Chef has lost me for good. Too many attitudes being named TC turns me off. That's why people won't critique food; too many chefs with big egos. (And, by the way, I ate at Woodfire and it was one of the best meals of my life. Ever.)
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  7. Boo.

    The whole episode was blah.

    Gail's boobs got no air time because apparently Padma's were way too impressive.

    I will miss reading your hilarious recaps!
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  8. I am still puzzled as to how Mike won, because it really didn't seem like he produced the best meal overall. Although I really wanted Kevin and The Beard to win, Bryan's appeared to be more consistent, quality-wise. From everything I saw, I was expecting Mike to finish second at best.

    I'm not thrilled with the "pick a loser for your sous-chef" system either. Why did they abandon the "star chef as sous chef" system that they used for Season 3? I would think that would be the best way to give the finalists every possible opportunity to succeed, rather than saddle them with the possibility of a bitter/jealous/inept assistant.

    By the way, according to the ad on Bravo last night, the fan favorite isn't going to be revealed on the reunion show, it's going to be revealed on "Watch What Happens Live". I really hope that's not the case, you can't pay me to watch that show.
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  9. Fork & knife tatto....come on....
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